Life has shown me what helplessness is and what hardship feels like, and it has taught me to be selfish. In order to have a better future for myself, I chose to distance myself from you. Later, fearing you would affect my normal performance during exams, I would cut off all contact with the outside world a few days before the exams. I was afraid you would suddenly launch an attack and throw a bomb at me on my way to the exam site.
生活让我看到了什么是无奈，体会到了什么艰苦，也教会了我自私。我为了自己能够有个好点的未来，我选择远离纷争的你们，后来我怕你们影响我考试的正常发挥，每到考试的前几天我都会封闭我所有的联系方式，不和外界联系。我就是怕你们突然又来一个袭击，突然在我要赶赴考场的路上给我扔一颗炸弹。
When I was little, people told me to persuade you and Dad not to get divorced, to find ways to keep you from separating. I thought divorce was the last thing I could accept. As long as you two didn\''t divorce, everything would be fine.
从小别人就告诉我要劝你和爸爸两个人不要离婚，一定要想办法让你们不离婚，我也以为离婚是我最不能接受的事情，只要你们俩不离婚就行，只要你们俩不离婚就好。
But during my time in college, my aunt told me something. She said that you and Dad had a fight once, and both of you tried to drink pesticide but were eventually taken to the hospital by others.
可是在我上大学的时候，有一次伯母和我说了一件事，说你们俩有一次吵架，两人要喝农药，后来还是被别人送去了医院。
When I asked about the timing, I found out that you indeed went to the hospital, but you told me it was for appendicitis. I didn\''t know you drank pesticide after fighting with Dad and tried to end your life.
我问了下时间，发现那一次你是去了医院，可是你打电话告诉我说你得了阑尾炎，在医院治疗。我真不知道原来你是和爸爸吵架了喝了农药，是自己寻死。
Mom, do you know what I thought at that time? I suddenly felt that divorce wouldn\''t be so bad. If you two really couldn\''t get along and wanted to divorce, I would support you.
妈，你知道那时我是怎么想的吗？我突然觉得离婚也没有什么不好，如果你们俩真的过不下去，真的想离婚，我是支持你们离婚的。
Even if you divorced, as your daughter, I would still take care of you when you two are old. That would be enough if you lived healthily, without so much strife and disturbance, and lived your separate lives peacefully.
即使你们离婚了，作为女儿，养老的责任我依然会承担。只要你们好好的，健健康康地生活，没有这么多的纷争，没有这么多的纷扰，各自安好就行了。
If something had really happened to you that time, I would have regretted it for the rest of my life. I would have regretted stopping you from getting a divorce and focusing solely on my studies while neglecting to care for you.
如果那一次你们真出了意外，我会后悔一辈子的，后悔我曾经阻止了你们离婚，后悔我一心扑在了学业上，对你们缺少关心。”
...
Many years later, this was the first time Bai Ling had a heart-to-heart conversation with her mother.
这是很多年后，第一次百灵和自己妈妈掏心掏肺的一次谈心。